2 Timothy 2:13

“If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is. “

I see her…at least I think it’s her. I have to move a little closer. Yes, I see her, in a red flowery dress, sitting on a bench in the middle of a rowdy park, face deep in a book. She always looks so good in red. The park is full of life as children, parents and even pets ran around doing their thing. But she has peace and calms around her…she always did. My God, after all these years she still takes my breath away. Grace is the best thing in my life, but I let her go. I moved away…so many things were happening in my life, I had to take control…I couldn’t bring her into my mess…I had to let her go. Three years, seven months, and three weeks to this day, and I still get nervous anytime I see her. Should I go up to her? Or should I walk away? I really want to see her. I really want to see if we can make it work again, another chance to make up for what I did to her, to make up for the things I said to her. But she probably hates me now, I would hate me. She’ll slap me across the face or even cause a scene. Why remind her of the pain I caused her? Maybe I should just go.  Oh my God, is she looking at me? Shit, what do I do, smile? Wave? She seems surprised at first, but a warm smile grows across her face. Oh, that smile still weakens me. That and just that always assures me that everything would be ok. She closes the book wedging the section she’s engaged in with a finger and pats the empty seat beside her with the other hand. I didn’t realize I’ve been smiling all this while. I go over to her trying hard to control my excitement. Oh God, it is so hard.

          “Peter! How have you been?”, She askes before I could have a seat.

          “Good, good. How are you? I mean…I didn’t expect to see you here.” I stumble upon my words.

          “You either,” She says. “I live a few blocks down. I often come here to clear my head.”

          “You live here?” I am as shocked as I am hopeful. My heart beat increases. “The last I heard of you, you just started your Masters in Business Administration.”

          “Yeah, that was three years ago. I started law school after, started to intern at Bradly’s Consultancy, and settled down.”

          “You finally got into law school!” I exclaim with joy. I know how bad she wanted to get in. She had troubles with her LSAT for a while.

          “Oh yes I did. It was a rough patch at first, but by the favor of God, I got a good scholarship, secured an admission and it has been smooth sailing since then.” I could see the joy glimmering from her eyes. She is genuinely happy, and at rest. “I graduated three months ago actually. Enough about me, what about you? When did you leave Aruba?”

          “Two years ago. I’m actually doing my residency at St Luis.”

          “That’s great! I always thought you’ll make a great doctor”. She says throwing back her hair.

          “I missed how encouraging you could be.” I am trying to think it…but I say it instead. Realizing what I did, my heart halts. But she just laughs and turns her attention to a crying little girl, sitting on a puddle a few feet away. Her big brother seems to be bulling her, but luckily her mum comes along to settle the problem.

          I divert my attention to Grace. I watch as she looks upon the little girl with compassion. She was always so loving, always putting others before herself, the sweetest person I know. It made me wonder if things could be as they were…if we could ever be the same again…if she would accept me back…

          “You know I didn’t have any other choice right?” I can’t help but say. She looks at me with confusion. “The break up…We were far apart, we both had issues we had to work on…things were not working out…”

           “I know,” She interrupts me. She looks at me with so much intensity that I shudder. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

           “Don’t say that.” I cut her. To say the least, I appear desperate. I grab her free hand, bending so I’m nearly on my knees. “We can start from were we left off, we can rebuild.”

           “Oh no we can’t.” She chuckles and motions to me to seat up right. “I’m with someone else now.”

   Embarrassed, disappointed,…I set myself back. I tremble on the inside…My heart feels like stone, too heavy for my chest to hold. Hurt?…hurt is an understatement.

           “You do know he’ll never love you the way I do.” I say a bit over a whisper, but I mean it.

           “On the contrary…” She says “I think he does, if not more.” I attempt to defend myself, but she cuts me off.

           “You see I never dated Jeb. I met him way before I met you but I turned him down at every corner. Mostly cause I thought he wasn’t…he couldn’t be the one. After you broke up with me, I was an emotional disaster. I was so depressed, nothing anyone did made me happy. Because of that I decide to put a hold on dating for a while.” She isn’t smiling anymore. Her face tense up, she looks straight ahead to the park that was beginning to clear up, like she was in search of something…probably the right words. I see…nearly feel the hardness of the lump that goes down her throat…but she wasn’t finished.

          “After I got into law school, Jeb had just moved into the city. He was giving admission to study medicine and coincidentally it was in my school. We caught up and not long after he asked me out.” Her gaze shifts to the book in her hand, still in deep thought. The tension at the corner of her eyes begins to ease. She is smiling now…like the thoughts she’s having is that of sweet memories. “I turned him down again. I just got into law school I wasn’t going to let any emotional wreck bring me down. He said ok…he understood. But he never left. All through my years in law school, he was my best friend, my rock. He was there when the world seemed to heavy to carry, he was there when sickness nearly took my life away, he fought my battles along side with me, he brought me back when I began to stray,…he prayed for me…oh how he prayed…for every little test I had to write, for every milestone I had to reach, for the very breathe I breath, he prayed…and he never asked for anything in return. People thought we were dating, but we were never exclusive, never alone for long. We never even kissed…”

        She trails off for a while. Her voice drops to nearly a whisper. I study her like an insect, My heart is beating fast, too fast. I know something big is coming, something I cannot hold, I can feel it, just as goosebumps rush down my arm.

          “After my graduation from law school, my friends and family surprised me with a party. It was so grand and so exciting, but not as exciting as what happened after.” She angles herself to face me. Her eyes is full of excitement now. “After the party, I met Jeb outside close to a still lake. I was full of gratitude to him for what he did for me through out my law school. But instead of allowing me thank him, do you know asked me to marry him.” She laughs and re-positions herself on her seat, still looking at me. “It was the weirdest, yet the most beautiful thing. We hadn’t even dated yet. But even I knew we didn’t need all that drama. I had already fallen in love with him a long time ago. I already knew he is to be my husband. I pray about it all the time and God kept on telling me he’ll surprise me, and he did just that.”

          It was then the setting sun reveals a glittery piece of jewelry at her right hand. Almost hidden between the book. My mouth dries up…I am still in denial. It couldn’t be possible, can it? My head seems too big for my shoulder. I lean on the bench arm for fear of tumbling off.

        “So you see, when it’s the right person distance is not enough , it shouldn’t be, not even denial. Jeb loved me well enough to just be there for me, to just be a friend…that was all I needed.” She says. Her eyes starts to follow a moving object. Following her eyes, I notice a moving car parking at the park’s entrance. A man emerges from the driver’s seat dressed in casual top and jeans. He sends a smile and wave to our direction. I sink deeper and deeper into myself as I watch Grace reciprocate that smile. She quickly reaches for a hidden purse from her side and hands me a stiff envelope.

         “You’re a good man Peter. One day you’ll find a woman that will be worth all the drama” She says as she gathers her things and walks away…away into another man’s home.